A Return to Deviling that Shit

Sometimes life changes in really big ways. For us, this time, it's been a really great change, but change messes with blogging consistency regardless of how exciting it is. Which is where I've been.

Pickles in the Middle "Optional"

But I, like you, feel backyard barbecue season coming on regardless of life's curve-balls, so I'm here to bring us all back down to earth with some deviled egg talk.

For Those About to Ham Ball, We Salute You.

I'm relatively certain that there are things this blog conveys to you about me.

I'm about eating.
I'm about drinking.
I'm about talking about those things, often during actually doing them.
If you come to my house, I will feed you snacks.
One other thing I'd like to specifically convey: sometimes those snacks will be weird.

Let's talk about Ham Balls.

The Season for Canapés

Last night, after a particularly frustrating and discouraging day (even the chronically excited among us have them), my Sidekick whisked me away to Henry Public for a "Let's Celebrate Learning Things from Failure by Eating All of the Things" kind of a meal. He brought out the big guns out for this meal, "Bone marrow?" he asked. "Oysters?"

"No," I said, "radishes, please."

Avocado Musses Easily

Last week marked a year of recipes from A Book of Hors d'Oeuvre. I have come to terms with the fact that this project is going to take much longer than I expected. Sometimes life gets in the way. Sometimes, no matter where you look, you can't find a tiny mold in the shape of a fish to stuff with aspic and parts. Sometimes, you just don't want to eat any more toast points.

Which is what makes today's recipe really special: it requires no molds, no toast and very little effort. The ingredients are not particularly exotic. And that's what I really want to talk to you about today. Avocados.

Consider the Kumquat

How great is citrus season, you guys? I love that it comes right at the tail end of winter, when we never want to see a potato, beet or apple again.

Can we have a moment of Real Talk about kumquats? They are freaks. I used to love to eat them whole when I was little, because I am weird and love sour things. My Sidekick will occasionally soak them in bourbon or rye for the tartest Manhattan or Old Fashioned you've ever had. But really, what else is there to do with these little weirdos? They do not yield enough juice to be useful. The spelling of their name is ridiculous. Turns out, good ol' Lucy G. Allen's got a trick up her sleeve.

Happy Valentine's Day, Screw-Up!

Look. Sometimes we screw up. Sometimes we wake up in the morning and our devoted and thoughtful partners present us with cards or gifts for holidays which we've forgotten about. Did you do that today? I'm here to help.

I'm sure you feel badly enough already, but we're all pretty disappointed in you. Here is an hors d'oeuvre so quick, so simple, so cheap and so god damned adorable, it will get you out of any Valentine's Day failure.

A New Year of Stuffing Cheese Into Other Things

Oh, hey guys. I started out the year so serious on you. So... let's probably talk about olives now?

Most of you probably do not think of olives as comfort food. Most of you probably did not devote the entirety of your teenaged, after-school snacking to piles of them. It just so happens that I do and I did.

How to Horrify Your Dinner Guests

Because of my upbringing, I take Halloween very seriously.

When I say "my upbringing", what I mean is this: my childhood house turned into a crypt for the entire month of October and part of November because my mother takes Halloween very seriously. Our front yard was a cemetery. Our windows were blockaded with ghosts and warning signs. Navigating the spider webs in the hallways became an important skill. There was a fountain of blood in our dining room. Doorknobs turned into monster hands. Am I painting enough of a picture for you? Every year my parents threw a balls-out, lavish, enormous Halloween party for 100 of their closest friends. I've decided it's my responsibility to uphold this tradition, albeit on a slightly smaller scale in my adult life. In that spirit: a little Halloween party food porn:

Let's Have Some Frills

We have begun the Stuffed Eggs section of A Book of Hors d'Oeuvre and I couldn't be happier.

We all know that I love to make deviled eggs. A little bite of filling receptive to any spice you mix it with, held preciously in an edible boat? Uh, yeah. What's not to like? I am, however, relatively set in my ways when it comes to deviling eggs. I have a certain set of ingredients that rotate around each other that are usually on-hand because this keeps my life simple and simplicity is important to me.

A Renewed Enthusiasm

With all the injuries, moving apartments, crazy heat waves and other life-craziness, A Book of Hors d'Oeuvres and I took a little hiatus from each other. However, the weather has already begun to cool down - although my heart will not let me totally admit that it is already happening - and my stomach has begun to agree to let me put more than gazpacho and Mexican beer in it. Which brings us back, as ever, to where we started: more cream cheese.

The Godfather - Redux

*Ed note: This post was rescued from interweb purgatory by Marc Balgavy. For this feat of courage he'll receive a whiskey when I see him next.*

Okay, you guys. It's time to talk about it. Well, almost. First, let's talk about how things sometimes take you by surprise. How, sometimes you think that prunes are sort of gross and you don't care about them, and then someone changes your mind.

No one has ever asked me to steam a prune before. Quite frankly, I don't steam much and the recipe for Bacon and Prunes, Baked (Hot) made me realize that I don't really even have a proper steaming basket.

Prelude to a Gut-Bomb

The sun is shining. The temperature is allegedly rising. Soon, you will be invited to a lot more let's-get-together-and-have-a-drink-on-the-roof type things. Let's talk about what to bring. Cold, petite, brightly colored little bites are my personal preference. Especially if what you are eating for your main course is (as was the case a few weeks ago at some dear friends') a gut-bomb of epic proportions.

Let me be clear, the thing we ate for our main course was likely one of the most delicious things any of my friends has ever fed me. It was, however, like a prehistoric ancestor of the Bacon Explosion that none of us can forget. I promise to tell you more about this later, but for now, let's talk about complementing your friends' ritualistic torture of your arteries with some things that are dainty and refreshing.

Here's Where it Gets Weird

So far, I've been going easy on you guys. I've tried to pick things that are mostly accessible to our palates and our times. Here's where it gets weird.

We've arrived at the the texture my Sidekick dreads the most: JELLY.

Tomorrow Will Be Better

Okay, guys, here's the deal. Tomorrow, it will be spring again and I want you to be prepared.

Although right now it appears that New York City will be swallowed up by clouds and carried away, you might have a shot of actually eating something outside tomorrow. If you do, maybe you should eat one of these things.

Dear Tastebuds: Duck and Cover

Just so we're all clear, I can be a bit of a braggart. I love to proclaim loudly to whoever will listen that I grew up eating just about anything that was placed in front of me. This is mostly true. But there have been a few hold-outs in my life. It took me a fairly solid two decades to appreciate a runny yolk, a tuna fish sandwich, and now, the star of today's show: anchovies.

I have ALWAYS wanted to like anchovies. When, as they will in any reputable establishment, a server asked if I'd like anchovies in my Caesar salad, I'd always boldly say yes. And, without fail, I'd end up pushing the leathery little monsters around my plate like refugees. Fishy is still a flavor profile that I'm working on having the utmost enthusiasm for. Let's just say that Anchovy Canapes I made me feel particularly enthusiastic.

Are We All Tired of Toast Points Yet?

I'll admit, I am. I'm a little tired of toast. This toast in particular combines a lot of things I love: olives, melty cheese, broilers. But, I was a little less than moved by it, to be honest. Is it perhaps too reminiscent of the cream cheese and olive sandwiches an enthusiastic grandmother tried to get me to eat in my youth? Yes, perhaps. Were they also served alongside the aforementioned bacon and cheese revelations? Yes. Sadly for Olive and Cheese Canapes I, they were.

No hard feelings, guys. Thanks for coming to the party.

Ugly Duckling

Suddenly, all I can talk about on Friday is what you should make for breakfast over the weekend. Today, I realized that I don't really have anything breakfast oriented to talk about. Or do I?

Here's the question: does the idea of making raw bacon and cheese force-meat repulse you? I mean, by all accounts it should. It sounds and looks pretty gross. But there is just no way you can get the bacon to get so cheesy, or the cheese to get so bacony without doing so. I used my food processor for this because, as I noted to my Sidekick, who was already making me a third cocktail, "She keeps calling for a meat grinder because food processors didn't exist." Don't get me wrong. I have a meat grinder. But drunk food processor use somehow seemed safer.

Classics for a Reason

Sometimes old recipes kick around catering menus for so long, it makes me think, "What is the point of even making that anymore?" Aren't there any new ideas? Can't we come up with something better?

Then I make the recipe and realize, no, maybe we can't.

The Flavor is Unusual

I always say I could never be a vegetarian. But honestly? If there were enough mushrooms, cheese and Shanghai mock duck involved, I probably could be. When my Sidekick and I first started dating, I asked him - as every one of his predecessors had been asked - if there were any foods he didn't like to eat. And I mean, let's be honest, this is a trick question. This question only gets asked so that I can force you to try your worst gustatory enemies in a way that will make you forgive them. My Sidekick's answer: beets, mushrooms, Jello. Since that day, he has declared beets to be one of his favorite foods, never balks at a mushroom and still despises Jello. We're getting there.

Oh, and Cream Cheese

There is something about the color combination of pink and green that has always owned my heart. My first ever bikini was pink and green. I have always loved cutting into a watermelon. My birthday cakes almost invariably had pink flowers with pale green leaves. In these late days of winter and early spring, I can often be found in hot pink rain boots and a ridiculously over-sized green scarf. It's an illness. And it's not going away any time soon. This is all to say that the recipe for Stuffed Radishes I really appealed to me.